Just a few days back I returned home feeling very disheartened as I’d just been hearing of relations lacking warmth, understanding and empathy for each other. I hear people being insensitive to others feelings and emotions. I was wondering what advice could I possibly offer to my friends and colleagues who discuss their spouses or relatives behaving indifferently. Amongst such troubled thoughts I sat down to have the evening tea with my wife who was quite concerned about about me being silent, as I usually talk a lot and retain my good humour in the most adverse situations.

So to make up for my silence and liven up my mood, my wife was doing most of the talking. Suddenly she remarked that she wanted to share an amazing incident about her friend as well as colleague. It so happened that last Saturday was a working day for them and also the birthday of her friend’s son. Since the work was so urgent that taking a leave was impossible. So this friend of my wife went for shopping a day before ie Friday evening, which included decoration material for the birthday like balloons,  streamers, gifts and return gifts for the guests and children who’d be coming the next day.

The next day since she had to leave very early in the morning,  she left quietly without disturbing anyone since it would be a long and tiring day for everyone. Though  her mother
and father in law were up as
they are early risers and go for their morning walk and yoga without fail every day.

After reaching her work place she got so busy that she lost track of time or the party scheduled for the evening. After a long day’s work she left hurriedly for home as there were a lot of lose ends to be tied up though, there was this assurance from her husband who had promised to supervise the preparations as he was on leave.  But there are always some things which are left for the eleventh hour, like getting the kids ready,  checking the games planned for them, preparing snacks that she’d decided to make herself and order those from outside so that they could be delivered on time. Amidst a hundred thoughts going on in her mind she stepped on the accelerator of her car. When she was half way, something crossed her mind and had her frowning with indignation and frustration, she cursed herself aloud, for she had forgotten to take out the shopping bags from her car as it had got late the previous night. She had thought of shifting the bags to the other car in the morning, but it had slipped off her mind.

Her mind raced thinking of the inevitable. The person who had been hired by them had a busy schedule that day, so he was free only for two hours in the morning after which he had to decorate another venue for a much bigger event planned for a large gathering. It was an hour’s drive to her workplace and even if she  would have realised her mistake there was no way she could have asked her husband and least of all her in laws to come and collect it. That fellow must have left without decorating their house and her  kids would be heartbroken and the adults annoyed with her  casual behaviour, thought she. She could not even muster enough courage to call her husband to ask how things were.

She reached home and parked her car,  got out while her mind had a hundred thoughts racing inside as to how she’d handle the situation in the best possible way, when her husband came out. Before he could criticise her for being oh so inefficient,  she started explaining how she’d been so tired the previous day and forgotten all about it in the morning. She inquired if the decorator had left and her husband confirmed the inevitable, that he had. Also things had to be done by them. Saying so they both entered their house,  what awaited this lady was hard for her to believe. Every nook and corner of the house was beautifully decorated with the balloons and streamers, the best sight she’d seen in a long long time. Instantly she grabbed her husband’s arm and took him to the other room to enquire how he’d managed to do it all.

He asked her to calm down and went on to tell her how he too had woken up immediately after she had left. He thought of getting the shopping bags from his car so that there would be no chaos when the decorator came. But soon found out that his wife had forgotten it all. His parents were going for their morning walk, since the children were still asleep he asked the maid servant to keep an eye on them and picked up the duplicate car keys, told his parents to proceed for their daily routine saying he would be back shortly after completing a very urgent official work, he left home. He drove to his wife’s workplace,  on reaching the parking lot he began hunting for her car which took a little time. There after,  he proceeded to open the boot of the car and pulled out the shopping bags, locked up the car and returned home before the fellow who had to come to do up the house. He got the balloons, streamers, etc. put up and had tied up all lose ends that he possibly could. You’ll ask me what is so unusual about this incident. Had it been any other person he or she would have definitely called up to remind the other person’s mistake, lost their temper, would have never thought of collecting the things and even if they would have done it, it would be a constant reminder of the favour extended when they went out of their way.

But in this case as they were staying in a joint family he had realised how angry his parents would have been had they come to know about this lapse. He never called up his wife to ask or scold her or show any annoyance, for he knew how tiring it was for her to manage the home, their two kids, resposibilities as a daughter in law and not to forget her hectic work schedule. He smiled and stood by her for the rest of the evening which ran late into the night, always lending a helping hand with the naughty kids, extending hospitality to all the relatives and friends. My wife narrated how her friend’s eyes filled with love and reminiscence as she spoke about her dearest and so very caring husband who is a gift or should I say bessing for her from the almighty above, who is sooo magnanimous.

I kept smiling  after my wife ended this incident, for my faith has returned once again in humanity, love and empathy which have not abandoned us. Thank you lord and I pray that this beautiful couple stays blessed forever. Amen!

Today is a national holiday, but unlike other holidays I wasn’t in a good mood since morning. The day after tomorrow is my parents’ shraad, so my wife was also inquired as to what would be the menu. Those of you who don’t know about ‘shraad’ it’s the day on which a  person has died, according to the Indian calender. Every year on that day, elaborate and favourite food of the deceased is prepared and the priest is invited home to enjoy this hospitality in memory of your loved one. But my wife’s very question set me thinking, as I travelled back in time, remembering those days when they were alive.

You see that they were foodies in the truest sense. They were very fond of a variety of food. They only needed to know what was famous and at which place it was available. I don’t remember a single day when they came back home without a bag of goodies or fruit, even though they might be returning from a walk. Something good was always cooking in our kitchen as my mom was an excellent cook. So it was quite difficult for me to answer my wife and I have been thinking since then. My wife too regrets not meeting my father and spending very little time with my mother as she passed away after a
few years of our marriage. I am so depressed, therefore, I sat down to write this  blog to ease off the constant reminder, for this day emphasis the fact that my parents are not alive. I do not believe this because for me they were NEVER GONE! My day begins by wishing them good morning and ends only after I have said good night to them. This will continue till I exist in this world.

I can’t seem to stop my tears which keep coming back unannounced. Since I have written so much, there is something I want to share, the answer to a question asked often. Whoever comes to our house or office asks us why there are no garlands on their photographs (another Indian custom). I have never shared this with my sister or brothers also, but I never think they are no longer alive. For me they were with me and will remain so till the end of my journey. The other thing is that we have many photographs of them in our house but again where both of them are not together. This is because seeing both in the same photograph gives a jolt that they are both not with us anymore. People say that when on this particular day you invite a priest to eat at your home, you are inviting the deceased that day and it is not the priest who eats that day, but its your loved one. This is again something I cannot relate to because before every meal I keep the first morsel on the side of my plate as an offering to my parents. And at the end of the meal I don’t feed it to the birds or throw it away but consume it myself, so it gives me a feeling that I am always eating with them. Each and every corner of our house is enlightened with their presence.

Sometimes when I question their presence, my soul gives me the same reply, “They have gone abroad and will be coming soon.” Till then,dad and mom, your love and memories will keep me going, overcoming every hurdle and fulfilling your and my dreams – no OUR DREAMS!